So many people said so many wonderful things, that I thought they should be told. Especially the stories. Thank you. Beanflower loved stories.

Neil wrote:

I just heard about Beanflower -- I am more sorry than I can say. ("Shall I send flowers?" asked Lorraine. "No," I said, "Not for Beanflower. Send wine.")

Bean was the coolest, most special cat, and the bond between you and her was one I've not often seen.

When I was 8 I had a black kitten, who I called, unimaginatively, Fluffy, who was run over on the day before my 9th birthday. I remember going up to my room and lying on the bed and crying with a depth of heartache and despair and anger with the universe for taking her on what was after all the day before the coolest day of the year...

It was years before I dared to have another cat.

I send you all my love

xxxx

n

Holly (my Fairy God Daughter) wrote:

dear!!!!!!

I am so sorry!!!!! I know how mmuch you love bean!!!!

You can have one of our cats, of course, it won't be the same, but a gaiman bullwinkle cat is a gaiman bullwinkle cat.

I love you so very much!!!!!

loves and kisses and shooting star wishes,

holls

Henry Kaiser wrote:

that's so sad to lose the kitty
a nice memorial page though

my pal OWEN says that heaven is this nice space in a big field undr a giant oak tree where you get to meet wih all the pets that you had in life and that you can talk with them in English.

love, HK

Neptune brought me long-stemmed red roses. He told Stephanie that she was "the coolest cat ever".
He wasn't much of a cat person before he met Beanflower.

Lisa Snellings who does gorgeous amazingly fanciful sculptures,
including the Black Cat for the chapbook "On Cats and Dogs" wrote:

Amacker,

Oh my dear, I'm so sorry to hear that you lost a loved one. I wish I could be with you so we could cry together. Neil probably told you that we lost our Paddy last weekend.

When you feel like it, please send me a photo of her. Our thoughts and hearts are with you.

lisa

Darren Mckeerman wrote:

My condolances on your loss. It's really weird -- I loved that story when I first read it, and it keeps popping up in strange ways. I only wish it wasn't always as sad as this time appears to be.

Faddah wrote:

I'm so sorry to hear about poor Bean. I'm glad, tragic though it was, she went instantly and it wasn't long, drawn out, horrid pain. No solace in that for you, who were her mom.

Anytime you want, you have an open invitation to come up to Emeryville and play with my big, black, long-hair mutt (with a white tuft of hair on her chest so it looks like she's a penguin or wearing a tuxedo), Perpigilliam Brown, Peri for short (bonus points if ya get the reference). (Here she is regarding with some caution the 1998 Burning Man Playa Zendo Altar I built: http://home.earthlink.net/~faddahwolf/altar-images/altrside.jpg) Funny thing is, the current woman I am dating really despises all cats -- not that Peri has done anything to her, but she has tremendous allergies and is always shooing Peri from her midst. So she could use some more positive reinforcement too.

How are Sue & Samhain taking her absence?

I know how hard it is to lose such a good friend -- I cried like a baby when I lost my previous all gray one, Graymalkin (more bonus points for that reference), to kitty leukemia.

Feel better hon, and think of her curling up in grass, in the sun purrrrring away, or chasing humming birds in kitty avalon now.

luv,

-- Faddah

Leah Selvidge wrote:

I'm so sorry honey. You're in my thoughts.

I'm sorry about Bean...I know how you feel.

xxoo - L

Bear wrote:

It is a well known fact that childless people will imbue their pets with almost human attributes and shower them with love. I have a lot of sympathy with you grief and loss.

Get a new kitten.

Cheers,

Bear

Jeff wrote:

> And I am devestated and inconsolable.

My god. I'm sorry.

I grew up with a cat. Actually, the cat came along before I did. He was technically my mom's-- she needed something to love after my older brother left home. So she got two beautiful Siamese cats, siblings. One of them didn't survive, but the other one lived a long, happy life. My mom named him "Tutu." Which embarrassed him no end, I'm certain.

I loved that cat, maybe more than anything, before or since. And I think he loved me. He kept me company when I was sad.

I remember one time. Some girl or other had spurned me-- this was back in high school, when something like that was the End of the World. Tutu came into my bedroom and hopped up on the bed.

"Whatcha doin'?" asked he.

"Contemplating my own death," said I. "Go away."

"What's that mean?" asked he. Except he was nuzzling my chin at the time, so it came out more like, "Whuzzuheen?"

"Gonna throw myself off the roof, most likely," said I.

"Then who'll feed me?" asked he.

A moment of contemplation overtook me. "You're right," said I. "Feel like some tuna fish?"

"Already had some," said he, as he exhaled fishy snuffles in my face.

I threw him off the bed, but he climbed right back up again.

-- Jeff Harrell

(who has fallen of the face of the earth.

Jeff? Where are you?)

Quiche wrote:

Dear,

I am so sorry. I know that pain and it hurts and hurts and hurts. You have my biggest hugs and all of my sympathy.

I love you too.

Please call if you need to talk. I still hurt for Charming, who was hit last month, and know this pain well.

Love,

Q.

Charlie wrote:

Regrets on your loss. There aren't really words for it; I learned to choke mine off after Abby was killed because I figured that to most others she was, after all, "only a cat." And even if others had the privilege of having a special cat in their lives and therefore knew (kinda) what I felt, for them it was still about their cat, and not about Abby, who was a gift sent to me by the saint of lonely people.

Bean is lucky to have had you for a human; the site you put up proves that. I hope to someday see that patch in the rose garden, kneel in front of it, and pay your companion the deserved homage.

See you soon,

-ch.

PS - _The_ Neil Gaiman?

Erin Rose wrote:

Oh Amacker, I am so sorry.

I'm really going to miss her sleeping on my head...especially when she'd lick, lick, chomp my face/neck/nose/fingers in the middle of the night.

Hugs from afar sweetie.

-Erin

Tracie wrote:

i'm very sorry to hear about bean. did a car get her? have you told neptune? you must be very sad. please put some flowers on her space for me.

Tim wrote:

Very sad to hear about Bean. That was one cool cat. Hope you're alright.

love,
Tim

Mom wrote:

This is the doctrine of Christian Science: that divine Love cannot be deprived of its manifestation, or object; that joy cannot be turned into sorrow, for sorrow is not the master of joy; that good can never produce evil; that matter can never produce mind nor life result in death.

Andrea Mangini wrote:

Again so sorry about Bean. I remember when she arrived...poor puddy. She could have had a longer life, but not a better one.

Lysandwr wrote:

Sweetheart, I am so so so so sorry! Damn all speeding cars and their drivers. Words are, of course, inadequate....but you know my heart is with you. Could I but change the world and time......

love lysandwr

Sherry wrote:

That's really too bad and also rather weird - my brother called from Vancouver on Sunday, his dog of 9 years was done in by hit and run Friday as well. What day was that in the stars of beasts?

Can we see you tomorrow?

S

Argyre wrote:

>yeah, i am aware that this is the height of self-indulgence. >Existentially, all grief is.

Amacker, I'm not so sure if is is all that self-indulgent, and I'm not at all sure that, if it is, that it is a bad thing.

I have never actively sought out a pet, but have had a number of them due to people abandoning them, turning them over to me, whatever. My current roomate is a large black cat who is both the most affectionate and most aloof creature I can imagine. Seriously demented, with some very odd,not very catlike traits.

But right now I'm very glad that I live in a loft space with no outside access for a cat to get away through. And I feel badly for your missing pal, and for you. We'll drink to Beanflower, and the rest of our feline friends on Friday, as well as to Sheila.

Later,
Argyre

Grace who owns several cats, including the incredible Ambrose who once kicked me out of bed (he is a Maine Coon -- they can do that, they are bigger than Hondas) wrote:

I'm so sorry to hear that Bean is gone. I had hoped to meet her someday. What a terrible loss for you at a time when you really need the unconditional love that she provided. No matter what anyone says, animals can provide a relationship that is totally different from what humans give. Life without them is flat.

I'm sorry she is gone but happy for you that you had her in your life.

Grace

Stephen who co-owns Ambrose wrote:

I am very saddened by the news. I saw all the pictures on your house building web site, and saw how Been was able to help. I have grown very attached to our wonderful group of 4 cats here and know that you must be feeling a great loss. I very glad that email cant get wet with tears. I will give a big hug to all the beasts here and think of you and Bean.

Lots of Love
Stephen

Nick wrote:

Amacker -

Gosh, I'm so sorry to hear about BeanFlower. My heartfelt condolences.
I hope you'll please accept a proxy e-kitty-hug from my own cat-friend, Elsie.
Elsie is quite heartbroken on your behalf (in her own confused-kitty way. I tried explaining things to her, but English is still a second language. Somehow she got the gist and was quite crestfallen). She says to tell you 'mmrrw, brrrt...raawwr?'.

Big hugs.
Nick

Will Shetterly wrote:

I'm very sorry. Our beloved Brain Damage died a couple of years ago, and I still miss him terribly.

best,

Will

Medge who travelled all the way from Australia in November for the Guy Fawkes party wrote:

I am so sorry to hear about Beanflower.

When I was twelve I got my first cat, one that was mine and mine alone. She was a brown burmese who went by the name Karti. At the same time I was going through a crisis that I couldn't talk to my mother or father about(My mother was, after all, the source of the crisis) I talked to Karti, she never judged, just smiled and purred. She died of old age I had had her for fourteen years, she had helped me through so much pain. I still miss her, it took me years before I could have another cat, but I now have Holly. She's happy and friendly and one of the coolest cats around. She's not Karti, never will be, but she is Holly.

I'm starting to cry now, sorry.

Medge.

PS: Holly is named after a computer not a rather cool friend we met at Guy Fawkes by the way.

Becky wrote:

Ohhh !!!
I am soooo sorry. I enjoyed at all your house pictures greatly as they went up on the Web, and always looked for the latest Beanflower shots. She did seem to own the construction site!!
I lost my own Oedipus last Dec., but to disease after 13 years, not snuffed in the prime of life. He was so wonderful that I despaired of ever getting another cat so loving and beautiful and good...I waited till April, when I got a new Siamese kitty (Twinkletoes for his white digits and fleeting ways), who is now the joy of my life. He's "the best cat ever," too. How is that possible? Well, he's different than Oedipus, with his own habits and charms. He doesn't replace Oedipus, just as you will never replace Beanflower, but he takes up just as much of my heart. Yours will again be full too. In the meantime, take good care of yourself and your other kitties.
Lots of love,
Becky

Gabrielle my friend since we were 10 in England
where we used to inscribe the graffiti
"Horses and Cats Forever" on all sorts of public places wrote:

Hi Hon

Only received this today, so I am rather late in my reply. I'm stunned, I was so looking forward to meeting the coolest cat with the even cooler name. We've all had a cry and a silence here for you and her. I saw all your photos and the lovely stories from your friends and she was a truly loved and special cat who was lucky enough to live with the best mom. her 4 years were truly happy ones, and you were blessed to share them with her.

Big hugs from us all

Love

Gabrielle & furry ones.

Rene wrote:

I'm so sorry, Amacker, and I know how that it. NOT the height of self-indulgence-- a good way to keep your cat's energy around. We lost our Yentl after having her in our home and hearts for 12 years. This may not be the time to mention it, but I do have five other adorable younger cats, some or all of which I may have to find new homes for. . . .

xoxo
Rene

Liz Nevis wrote:

What a lovely website. Though I never met Beanflower (a shame in itself), I've lost a couple of remarkable feline companions of my own and know what a dreadful loss it can be. I send you synpathy and good energy.

Liz